Relationship Resentment

Resentment in relationships, especially after becoming parents, can be a common challenge. Resentment is a feeling of bitterness or anger that arises when we perceive unfairness, unmet expectations, or a sense of being taken for granted. It can stem from various factors, including:

1. Imbalance in Responsibilities:

When one partner feels overwhelmed with the majority of childcare duties, household chores, or emotional labour, resentment can build. The unequal distribution of responsibilities can lead to feelings of being undervalued or unsupported.

2. Lack of Communication:

Poor communication or unexpressed needs and frustrations can contribute to resentment. Bottling up emotions or failing to address concerns can create a breeding ground for resentment to grow.

3. Shift in Priorities and Identity:

Becoming parents often brings significant changes in priorities and personal identity. The demands of raising children can lead to a loss of individuality, personal time, or career opportunities. This shift can trigger feelings of resentment if not acknowledged and addressed.

Once we become parents, resentment can become more prominent due to the added stressors and demands of raising children. Sleep deprivation, constant caregiving responsibilities, and limited personal time can intensify feelings of frustration and resentment. The pressure to meet societal expectations of being a "perfect" parent can also contribute to feelings of inadequacy and resentment.

To address and prevent resentment, it's crucial to foster open and honest communication with your partner. Regularly check in with each other, express your needs, and actively listen to understand each other's perspectives. Strive for a fair division of responsibilities, acknowledging and appreciating each other's contributions. Prioritize self-care and make time for activities that bring you joy and rejuvenation. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can also be beneficial in navigating the challenges of parenthood.

Remember, resentment can erode the foundation of a relationship if left unaddressed. By actively addressing the causes of resentment, fostering effective communication, and prioritizing self-care, you can create a healthier and more fulfilling partnership as parents.

For further resources you may like to see the Gottman Institute.